It was Monday the anniversary of Clo's death. I miss her so much. I am at work with my fake smile and fake face on pretending everything is ok. In reality, it is not I would rather be in a corner crying my eyes out. Each day I am losing the ability to hide how broken I am inside. It gets harder to fake that smile and pretend I am happy. At least the people at work don't ask and don't question what is going on. I tend to stick to myself. I'm a very private person. They may see I'm not ok but they don't ask or question. Usually, I would be happy they don't ask but for once I would like for someone to notice I'm not ok and ask me.
Call me out on my bullshit. Tear down this veil I put up. It's pretty much see through now. You notice me struggling every day but no one asks and no one worries. It's lonely when you work and no most people could care less about you. Though I know that is not true I have kept them at a distance and have never let them in to know the real me. So why would they ask? Just so I can say I am fine, even though I am not. I keep asking myself why I don't let people in. Why I don't show them how I am really feeling
I feel like it's because they scare me I fear what they are going to think of me when I am falling apart. I am always the one there for everyone else, I am the strong one. I'm not supposed to show weakness. Though I know living life while keeping people at arm's length is no way to live.