Quiet Thoughts

*Author's Note* Hello Folks Meet Emily Fine. Fine stands for:

F-Faking a Smile

I- Insecure

N-Numb to everything

E-Emotionally unstable.

I am not in a good place my anxiety has taken over but I thought to have a story where I share my thoughts and feelings would help. So we will see how this goes.  Emily will progress as I do. Her thoughts and actions are mine.  Just to clarify I do not want to hurt myself and I am not suicidal. Just in case that thought crossed your mind.  I will be updating this every couple of days.  So stay tuned.

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Do you ever look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back at you? I do. Somedays I feel like me other days I feel like I'm trapped in someone else's body. I stand there on my bad days and pick apart myself. I know I shouldn't but my inner demons win the fight.

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T.V. distracts me sometimes and I can quiet the thoughts that haunt me daily.  It's like a little evil voice in the back of my mind that preys on all my insecurities and brings them to the front of my mind. Then the battle begins. I start to shake and I replay everything I did today over in my head.  Criticizing every move I made. The coping skills I have learned aren't touching it this time. It's a battle not to curl up in a ball and hide.

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On days like this, I can feel my heart beating out of my chest.  I feel alone and empty even though I am not. I have friends & family that love me and care about me.  Though that nagging little voice in my head just won't give in this time and shut up. I wish it would, I wish the scars that resurfaced would close and that I could just be happy. The scars I have you can not see but they are there. If someone asked me if I would prefer physical scars over Emotional ones I would say yes. Physical scars heal Emotional ones you carry with you for life. Little things can trigger them and turn your world upside done. I am taking it day by day. One step at a time.

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