I had my first session with my therapist. It was interesting to say the least. We talked about Clo and we talked about my life and my fear of people. Did I open completely up no but did I try? Yes, I did. Trusting people is the hardest thing for me to do. I want to so bad but I have been burned so many times I fear others more than trust them. She was kind, funny, and sweet, I think I am going to like her. She focused on my lack of a social circle and wants to work on me meeting people and try to help me find out who I am. Though the hardest part is I have to talk to them as me and not just act the way I think they want me to act. I’ve looked at groups and other meetups around me but I’m not ready. I need more time to figure out me before I go in search of friends.
That is extaclly how I looked everytime she mentioned meeting people. My eyes got big as saucers and I tried to think of any excuse why I don’t go out and meet people. She called me out on my bullshit. She’s right, I make lame excuses just so I don’t have to socialize. I’ve never been very good at it and I was isolated growing up so my social skills suck hardcore. Making true friends means letting them in, showing them my scars and to stop pretending I am ok, and to learn how to say no. That will be a tough one, I always want to help people and saying no makes me sometimes feel like a bad person. Even though I know its ok to say no. I just feel I shouldn’t that one is going to be tough.